PerpetuallySad,

Thank you for your advice and well wishing. I don't think he's the type of person to lie to me about his feelings in order to manipulate me, generally speaking, but you never can tell about people. Yet, I don't feel he ever led me on about the way he felt about me, or the way he expected to feel about me. That is why it's so confusing. Plus, he didn't need to lie me. I had made it clear that he didn't need to say he loved me.

He didn't exactly say it, but it was darn close. He pretty much said he thought he loved me and that alone was something he wouldn't take lightly, in my opinion. To me, if he said that, he must have really been asking himself, "Am I falling in love with her?" And he must have thought, that it was very possibly a yes. The way you do when you're just starting to fall and you catch yourself and think, "Oh, crap do I love them?" and then you start answering, "I think...maybe....it's a yes..." until finally you know it's a yes and you don't even ask anymore.

I felt like I had fallen in love with this person, and I didn't expect to hear it back from him, but I WANTED to hear it. Wanted it to be true. I didn't expect him to ever say he loved me. Then he practically said it. I never expected to hear that, either. And then to feel like....he never really felt it and I'll never hear it again. Well, I'm hurt. He took it back awhile ago- it's still pretty fresh, but it's been a few months- but it's in my head this morning. I've never had someone retract it soon afterwards like that. Never had someone say they thought they'd never felt it after they said they thought they did. What do I ever expect from relationships or people, though? From myself, or anyone else? I should have known he didn't mean it, better than he knew. I'm upset.