((((Elysium3006))))

Thank you for posting and asking such a good question. I think for a moment about that question and I have to say that that is something I struggle with everyday. Sometimes I can start to like myself but then something creeps back in and I find myself once again trying to find those reasons.

I too understand what you are saying about the ones within. I do feel for them and care for them (or most anyways that I know of at this time). I know that they took for me what I could not and therefore I feel for them. Many times I feel responsible for their hurt because if I only was able to do for me what was needed they would have never came to be and been hurt. I do not know if that makes any sense or not.

I sometimes can see and understand that it was not my fault what happened when I was a child. When I can connect to that truth, I find that I can feel some compassion for myself. BUt then doubts filter through that if only I would have been better then they would not have had to hurt me.

It is sometimes a viscious cycle and I get caught in a vortex where I cannot get out. But if I can look at the truth and accept that I am not those that hurt me and I am not someone that does those things, sometimes even for a moment I can see that I am okay.

I try really hard to give of myself and I am an honest person. Those that hurt me were not in any way honest nor did they try to give of themselves. I know that you give of yourself and that you are honest. Therefore we both are not like those we grew up with.

Taking one day at a time and realizing that I am a good person with good thoughts and caring helps me to like myself even for the moment. If I can put several moments together then I can like myself for awhile. It is not easy, but possible.

I try to think about those I care about and love. I have heard it said that you cannot really care and love others if you do not love yourself. I want to love and care about others so I want to not hate myself. I do not know if I agree with that statement, for I really do care about others and will put others before myself everytime.

I always make the comment that this world would be a better place without me here. Maybe it would but then I could not care about others if I was gone. I used to feel that I caused others to hurt just because they knew me. But I do not believe that now or at least I try not to.

I think because of how we were raised and the blame that was thrown at us at such an early age when things did not make sense has something to do with it. Many times I was told it was because of me I have to do this. We learn not to like ourselves.

I was never loved and love was not something we were allowed to show. Being loved was to be special and I did not want to be special. I have often said that I am unlovable, yet I know there are those that say they love me. It is something scary to me yet something I have always longed for.

To love one's self is to accept one's self as we are. Something that is hard to do but you can do it. Our others within are us. Their ability to be who they are is us through them. They hold those parts of us that we could not be. They are innocent, true, honest, caring, playful, emotional, children, hurt,-------you. They all make up you. And you are a good person.

Give yourself time dear. Remember this did not happen over night and it takes time to find ourselves sometimes for the first time. But we are there among the selves. And we are worth finding.

We think you are special and worth liking. Hang in there and you will find yourself. And you will like what you find----just as we like and care about you. Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps