Hi, Shrinkingviolet!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrinkingviolet
Where is she tonight? Back out with him. Dealing with my depression and just hanging on, this reaffirms how worthless and unimportant I am. She rather be with a man who abuses her. ...
I think she blames me for being bipolar. I think she thinks I can control it.
... Am I just banging my head against a wall---trying to get support from someone who just isn't willing to give it?
...I wonder why my mother doesn't feel that way about me. I feel so unimportant and useless and worthless. I try to use my voice to explain this to her and she says I am being selfish....
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One Possible Perspective: It may be useful to look at your mother as ill herself, not as a depressive/mood disorder type but as a personality disorder type -- I'm not saying she has a personality disorder, simply that using this perspective may serve as a framework for understanding her behavior.
Your mother may be
unable to be empathic toward you. Life events and the (damaged?) nature of her psyche may not allow her to form the "normal" kind of feelings a mother has for her daughter.
If that is the case, maybe you are mostly correct: you are 'trying to get support from someone who just isn't
capable of giving it.' And if that is the case, then healing/coping may involve you not building a wall, but developing a boundary between your self-concept and your mother. Strive for a healthy self-acceptance independent of your mother's feelings and behavior (MUCH easier said than done).
In any event, try looking at your mom as a "case" in her own right.
Wishing you emotional freedom untouched by others' dysfunctions.
__________________
My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.