((((((Berries))))))
I am sorry you feel so bad
When I was at the worse of my depression I believe my daughter was very angry with me, she just did not understand and she was scared and she just did not know what to do, now that I am better she is very supportive....Often people get angry out of fear...
Your PC friends will not abandon you, you are very much cared for here, you are a very kind and sweet person and I am sure your IRL friends will be there for you if they can..As far as putting on a happy face, I never could but some people do say: Fake it until you believe it....
My thoughts are with you