Reading your post - and remembering your many others, I form a vision of you as a "creative person" painfully writhing in an inherently "a-creative" even "anti-creative" environment. That is, your creative personality is the square peg forced by convention into round hole of formal academic studies.

Real questions (not rhetorical): How many great writers did well as students? Can any consistently positive correlation be drawn between academic achievement and creative endeavors? (Edgar Allen Poe, Nathaniel Hawthorne, and Bill Gates immediately leap to mind - but they would lead away from this conversation....)

Anyway, the point I think I'm trying to make is your discomfort in your current environment may have more to do with the natural mismatch of the creative personality to formalized social/academic structures than with any "defect" in your personality.

Something to consider, maybe...?