Thank you so very much!

I have learned all my life to keep things to myself. "Be there but don't ask for anything. You are not important. Just help the others and don't get in the way".

So what I'm trying to say is that it's very hard for me to open up. The feeling I bother is very strong in me. The feeling I take too much space is also very strong in me.

The feeling I'm taking someone else place is the strongest in me. When my sister died in a car accident, I felt it should had been me instead of her. So I feel I'm taking a place in this world that doesn't belong to me. She would had been much better then I. And the rest of my familly loved her so much.

Right now I feel guilty for writing this, because you are trying to help me and I have a hard time accepting the hands that are reaching out to me. I see and feel your kindness. I hate myself for doing this to you. There is also things going on on the boards that is not helping me to open up. But this is all my problems. And I'm so sorry.

I'm trying so very hard to blocked everything but sometime the cry inside me is louder then my strengh.

Thank you!
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