Knives. I used to keep a big butcher knife in my painter's pants pocket to protect myself from my brother who was incredibly abusive and cruel. I never was brave enough to use it. I did threaten him once that if he got any closer I would. He used to beat the crap out of me, almost kill me. He had a murderous rage.

As a young adult I never allowed knives into the home because of this fact and that knives were used to kill my animal friends in front of me the whole time I was growing up. They scared me. Memories of slit throats etc.

As the years have passed I guess I now have an average supply of knives in the home. I have never used them to S.I., nor have any of my family members been threatened or hurt by them purposefully.

Just when I see a memory cross like that it is horrid. Sometimes it crosses and I forget it and just tell myself that was history. Today it was so big that I am having vivid red memories and would like someone to now take them away please.

Okay, yes, this is a memory and it is in the past. No one is hurting people or animals with knives now. He is not here and I don't even wear painter's pants anymore.