BEFORE I START I KNOW that there may be plenty more people on here that have problems 10 times worse than mine, but please read, and write to me, if you know anything about depression. And if you think I'm being a silly teenage girl suffering from hormones then please do not respond with anything mean... this is my problem, no matter how stupid anyone may think it is and it is seriously effecting my life
ALSO- im sorry if i have posted this in the wrong area...i am very new to this site.

I am 19 and I really think I am suffering from depression or some sort of personalityn disorder. It's difficult for me to pinpoint when this first started, but i'm saying maybe about a year ago.

I feel like I am going to fail in every area....my degree, making something of my life etc. I told a friend how I felt and she said it may be because of the contreceptive pill i'm on. I take Yasmin and have been on this pill for almost 3 years. I came off for one month.. the whole of feb. this year.. and went back on it. If it is my pill that is messing with my head then I will go to my GP and change, but I'm terrified that a different pill will desagree with me and mess with my weight, skin, and worst of all my mental health even more.

I have zero self confidence in myself, my appearence, in every single aspect of my life. Some days I find it so hard to even crack a smile.
At school there were a group of horrible boys that constantly called me names..for about 4 years this went on for. They called me fat and ugly every single day, even though i was half the size of most girls in my year at school. Well, recently I have been thinking about these shitbags and what they made me believe about myself, and i just cant seem to shake it. I have just moved to university to a completely different city, miles away from everyone i hate, and yet rather than making the most of my new life..which i should be, I'm always thiking about what these boys used to say about me. I know it is pathetic, but i just dont have enough self-confidence to to say "forget it" and get over it, instead i dwell on every single time they ever called me, cry about it, and worse of all they have made me believe that all these things are true about myself. I dread going home when term time ends..not because of my home life..my family is wonderful.. but incase I see any of these people that used to torment me. I come from a very sheltered village and its so hard to NOT bump into people..no matter how you try. When telling my friend this, she said "they'll have way moved on now, have better things to do that take the piss out of you now"... but she is wrong...About 6 months ago at sixth form, I was walking through the canteen and one of them shouting "fat *****", I turned and they were all pissing themselves laughing. I just dont understand why they call me fat, when there are PLENTLY more girls that are bigger than me, why are they picking on me?

ALL i want to do is go home and sit on my mums knee and cry. I HATE feeling like this because I am only 19 and i dont want to waste my young life worrying about the next time i may see one of those boys, or how bad i will feel tomorrow. I find it SO SO hard to be happy, i cant describe. When really I have alot in my life to love and be happy for, i just cant seem to make myself feel it.

I appreiciate ANY help/ advice, .. aslong as its kind. I dont want messeges like "get over it" etc... i'm sure you can imagion. but this is a big deal in my life so really.. any advice is welcome

If you read all this.... thankyou <3