For almost a year I have been in T working on CSA related issues in my life...(there seem to be a lot). Much of what I deal with is related to PTSD, anxiety depression, unreality (if thats a word), aggitation.
I have so many questions, I am overwhelmed.

Triggers....I have a lot of triggers. As each day comes on, they vary, and typically havent anything to do with Child abuse ...or I think not.

When my mom calls - which isnt too often, given that I have put much distance between us over the last 6 mos (Im glad) .... but to the point....when she calls she tends to throw a lot of stress at me....like this morn she called to share pics w/me .. that was good right?....but then she has to tell me abt my foster sisters stuff and then my youngest brothers stuff....I rushed her off the phone....
now I got a bit of anxiousness stirring

When my friend calls (she has lots of issues alchohol is the main one) I have put some real distance between us over the last couple mos ... (Im glad) ...but she called this morn to talk about work, kids sick, needing money .... I tried to rush her off the phone so I would feel ANX.....
I was calm ... a little worried that I may be feeling it later.....

Last night before these 2 calls I had dreamed about both my mom and this friend
.... both are stressors for me both dont hear me,
...both have strong personalioties,
....though my mom has a kind heart (even though she was an abuser)
.... my friend a cold heart
..... but they are both people who stress me out
and they are also people that I dream about having confrontations with
....the dreams are very intense because I am fighting to communicate
.....or sometimes with my dreams of mom she is screaming in anger at me, I never remember about what I only remember the intense feelings of anger, fear, and stress......
....Last nights dream with the friend was similar in that it was intense and I am sure I was trying to communicate what I felt but was not being heard ....
The dreams are scary....fear is definitely part of every instance,
I dont know if I really understand how to confront an issue without feeling it is going to be a battle, with anger and fear and stress being a part of it.

Of course it is only with certain people who for whatever reasons have access to push my buttons.....

Confrontation
Communication
How to say NO
how to calmly shield myself from these instances
how to prepare myself for these interactions and
finally how to cope I guess with it so I dont get stirred up

Later is here.....I can feel the anxiety stirring and I just want to stay in control of it. I want to understand why they trigger me so much.
I feel like I should be able to hear what they are saying and let it go. Sometimes I feel like they are pushing me to take it on or over because they cant handle it.....I am not sure what it is but I want to know how to cope with triggers .... both the ones I know about and the ones I have not yet recognized.

Is the trigger the person? or is it the words? or is it the burdens?

I was always someone who would step up and help, go out of my way to get things done for someone in need......but that is not me anymore, nor do I want it to be, not now anyway..... I want to be in charge of my decisions and who I can help when I am able .... not just jump in without a 2nd thought and get in over my head ....

I would love it if I could get some input here .... I just need to relate to people who have had similiar issues they are trying to work through or have done so.....