oh, I know you know that, sorry if I came across as preachy or whatever. I recently stopped for about a month, too, and just did it again yesterday, so I understand that back & forth of knowing it's not good but then wanting to do it.

And the 2 reasons for doing it: wanting to feel vs not wanting to feel, and I don't get how that works either, but sometimes it's one and sometimes it's the other. It's all part of the package I guess.

Anyway, hope you're feeling better today.