Im not perfect ..wish i was... im not thou ...im human. like everyone else i goof in life ((real life))) Im talking about. Well i goof here too. sorry
Its been a very long couple of mths. 2 minor surgerys, issues with my son. Where at times i would have to say I prolly have not listened as good as i should have.
I took in a girl i thought i was doing the right thing..that turned out a mess. well for my son it did. So that would be my fault. As i am the adult.
My daughters b/f has h1n1. he will be ok thou that good. All stresses thou.
I rearganged my life to fit other ppls life which i thought was a good thing as i love them. In turn it left me sometimes cranky and not always nice. I have used the f word...thats unlike me.((not to my kids thou))
I have yelled..which is not like me...
All of this thou I am resonsable for as it was my choices. it was I who yelled . i who used the f word. No matter what anyone else did i am responsable for me.
that saddens me..I myself can not take yelling it triggers me beyond normal I freeze or i say something i should not...
I would like to say its because i am still recovering , but then i would be using a excuse. thou i still do not feel so good.
So with all that has gone on Im depressed. some.
I know what it is as this is how i felt when my parents passed. At a loss.
Im not very good with expressing myself when it comes to this.
I really do not like being upset. Its not my normal thing.
Sometimes I see things different as other ppl do ..which can be hard on them.
I am a talker ...which means i like to try to talk it out. As i said sometimes i loss my cool ..and yell...
and then i just go quiet...and cry. which still does not help.
Im stetched to the limit. inside... I do have help here thou and that i am grateful for...sorry i just needed to write it out...
now im going to go cry and work real life.
((ty)) for listening as always