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Old Nov 09, 2009, 01:57 PM
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Shangrala Shangrala is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: SanFrancisco BayArea, California
Posts: 1,404
In my personal opinion, (lol...and I'm a contradiction to my own self as I've been married twice), I believe marriage is a union of two hearts ONLY. It is a mutual bonding of dedicated love for each other.
I've discovered that marriage is of the two hearts united in commitment BEFORE the ceremony itself.

The ceremony is a publicized clarification of your devotion, which is perfectly fine. The legalities entailed can prove beneficial, and like Rhaposdy summed it so simply well...."IF you allow it to be", (has to be a 'mutual' journey, though).

I married for the wrong reasons. To this day, I am still trying to understand why I went against myself regarding acceptance of the ceremony, when, for me, I already considered myself very much married. Perhaps I "went through the motions" of the ceremony for the sake of hub...to 'prove' my everlasting (lol) devotion. Regardless, the reasons were not mutual, therefore doomed to encounter forks further down that road.

For some, the ceremony represents exactly what it means for you, which is that it is has sentimental meaning. There is nothing wrong with that.
For other's it seems to go into a statement of ownership of another. Not a good thing, (as I was unfortunate to personally discover).

From what you've stated that your bf has said that "he has no intention of getting married", (for whatever HIS reasons), then it might be wise to listen well to what he is telling you. He is clearly and honestly telling you that the ceremony does not hold the same meaning to him as it does for you. And, from my personal experience, it's unfortunate but, despite of what it does mean to you, it must hold a MUTUAL meaning. Hard to say, (speaking from just my personal experience).

Perhaps, have some patience and allow your bf time to (hopefully) reach the same plateau regarding the meaning of ceremony. That definitely is something that cannot be forced, (for obtaining lasting success).

I wish the best for you both.

Shangrala
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IU!