ha, I got on today to ask about this very thing. I'm in the middle of filing. Some of it seems so very confusing and overwhelming, which usually causes my brain to just shut down until I wander away.

Right now they have me filling out some papers about the more personal side of things. So many of these questions want such black and white answers. Like, can I go outside, or, do I spend time with others? Well, there is no yes or no. It's both. Sometimes I am fine enough to go outside. Sometimes I'm able to be around people. But it's so very subjective. If I have my husband with me, I can act almost normal. He's kind of like my security blanket, I guess. Sometimes I can voluntarily encounter people, but it takes a good 30 minutes or so most times, just to talk myself into it. I can also be around people that I know and have become comfortable around. But there are also times when I can barely stand to be around anyone, or when I'm hypomanic and I end up doing or saying things that are embarrassing for myself or others. Or, can I do housework, or complete tasks. Again, that is subject to my moods. Sometimes yes, and sometimes no. Do I answer these using worst case scenarios? What if they do some random surveillance, and catch me on an ok day? I haven't gone back to work since the birth of my second child, because I do better when I have the safety of my home to hide in. But I do try to get out, and there are tasks I have managed to become comfortable doing, such as going to the grocery store. When I'm in my comfort zones, I'm ok. But my moods bounce around so quickly, that while I might be ok one day, or even a week or 2, I could just as quickly be so depressed, irritable or panicky that I'd rather not even leave the house to go to the mail box.

I'm also worried about whether this will affect my kids. What if they decide I'm too crazy to take care of them? I stay at home with them, while my husband works. I put everything I can into taking care of them first. Sometimes the stress gets to me, and my people phobia has made it very difficult when it comes to interacting with other parents. But they are fed, clothed, surprisingly better disciplined than most of the other kids in the neighborhood, and all in all well taken care of. The main reason I'm filing is for them. I'm afraid of what the added stress of having to work and juggle two kids will do to my moods.