So it has been a little while since I have posted. As most of you know, I have alot going on in my personal life.

With the move, my anxiety and depression, my ex hubby, leaving my family and friends and starting a whole new chapter in my life.

When I went to visit my mom the other day we were sitting on the porch talking about the move and various things and she took a long pause and said "It seems like I am losing all my family". My mother lost her brother early last year and then her mother past late last year and now that I am moving I guess my mother is feeling alone. This is breaking my heart. I can not explain the feelings running through me. I love her with every fiber of my being and I dont want her to feel like she is alone....ever. I feel like I have been my mothers protector for the last few years and now that I wont be here, I am afraid. I know she has my step-father and little brother and sister. But I wont be here for her and I am so sad that it is making me sick. I cant explain it any other way then that.

I have spent the better part of the last week trying to reconnect with my family. I have been feeling like an outsider. I guess its my anxiety and depression getting the better of me. I think I have been doing pretty well reconnecting with the kids and hubby. We have been so busy though, sometimes I cant even remember the day of the week.

So my x comes crawling out of the woodwork after 7.5 years and hires a lawyer to seek out visitation, all this 1.5 weeks before we are leaving for TX. We have been in the same area for the last 7.5 years, he didnt give a damn then if he saw the kids or not. Now, he decides to do this. I am angry at him because he keeps coming back to haunt me. Just when I thought I was free from his grips, this comes up.

I spent years fearing him, hating him and cursing him. I thought I was able to get past those feelings but now its like its all back again. He made me suffer in ways I can not explain and I will be damned if i will let him do that to my girls. I will stand up and fight this. My lawyer says there she doesnt think there will be much of a fight. She is researching some things and will be calling me next week. I have layed down log enough and let him walk all over me, but I will no longer be his victim. I have my wonderful hubby on my side and together we will stand strong against him.

I guess that is a small part of how I am feeling these days. So much happening and so fast. I am trying to take things slow and easy. PDoc has helped me out with my Ativan so I am getting through it.

Thanks for listening. It feels good to release a little bit of it anyway.