I agree with everything Pomagranate wrote you, dont be afraid to get the help you need.
I was where you are 7 months ago, it was a long and painful process as is severe depression but with the help of my therapist, new meds and this site, things are much better now. I can identify with everything you mentioned, do not wait too long to get help, it gets worse.
Take good care of yourself and Welcome to PC, you will find a lot of great people who care, keep on posting