I've just rescued myself out of a very similar situation which lasted 15 years. It's only been 3 months now since I've been gone, and the ex is still trying to get me back. What is quite sad about it is the fact that he STILL tells me that if I'D only change, then all will be alright, or if I'D work harder on this, or that, or the other, then things will work out.

The dumbass wouldn't try then, nor will he take sight on the fact that it was his lack of effort and concern that lead up to the divorce.

I'm sorry to say but, if your hub refuses his participation in what is of a mutual partnership, then it is only a matter of time until you discover that you cannot and will not tolerate it any longer.
But why wait until you've reached that numb phase (as I was foolish enough to do?). Take value in yourself NOW, and get out before you get to the point of no return, (emotionally/psychologically). It isn't a healthy place for anyone to have to end up.

I realize it's easy for me to say this, but know that it was not as such to go through.
Unfortunately, it sounds that your hub places all responsibility onto you to manage the emotional status of the marriage. Since that's the case, then it's up to you to take care of it as YOU want it to be....Sadly, that seems to end up to be without him...his choice. I know it hurts. But, he's given you no choice but to love yourself as you'd (wish) he'd love you. Then so be it.

I only wish I had the strength to leave before I reached the numb phase. By that time, I had lost myself in the process. Don't lose yourself in yours. It really is a frightening place to be.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

My thoughts are with you. Take care.

Shangrala