Hello, gingercat. What is so diabolical about mental illness is knowing what I do is counterproductive and hating myself for doing it anyway.

After having isolated myself, I was given the task of stepping outside each day and incrementally increasing my time there. The idea was to reduce the isolation and self-loathing. Once I felt more comfortable, I was given other tasks. One of the most beneficial was doing volunteer work.

As Rohag has aptly observed, each of us is unique in the manner in which we experience mental illness. My hope is my experience may help you to think about ways you may help not only yourself but others; to have a purpose.

Good luck!