she just said "see you how?" and I had to think about that for a minute. I said "see how I really feel & my emotions & thoughts, just everything" and she didn't say anything else about that as far as I remember. So, no, she didn't really respond very helpfully but I still felt better for having been able to say that to her.

I don't think she might have realized how huge it was for me, a lot of times I can look "ok" on the outside when inside I'm a complete wreck. It's this problem of my outsides not matching up with my insides. So maybe she has no idea how hard it has been for me to come in there each Mon for the past year & sit with my heart wide open.