Quote:
Originally Posted by moonrise
Sunrise mentioned taking a break from therapy. At one point in my life, I could have typed your post. I finally had enough. I cold turkey stopped therapy and meds (not that I am suggesting this), got a master's degree, got married, had a kid. I was so skeptical of mental health, and though it was a bunch of bull. Then I got triggered when my dd reached a certain age.
I'm back in therapy now, and I think having a break did wonders. It also allowed me to take more of a charge of what I want to do, how I want to be.
Mine was a very drastic break. I think if I had taken a few months earlier to figure things out before I got to crisis mode, I would have been healthier. I DO have issues that I need help resolving. And therapy is very helpful right now.
I think before, being hospitalized so many times, having people tell me what to do, what meds to take, I felt controlled and I resented it. I resented feeling like I HAD to be in therapy. Now that it's a choice, I feel so much better about it.
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I hadn't considered that possibility - maybe I'm just sick of the fiasco and am subconsciously reacting or rebelling by [somewhat unintentionally] telling people to get off my back. Right now, I really don't think there's all that much wrong with me... which I guess is an interesting assertion from someone who got out of the hospital a month ago. Maybe time would help me see things more clearly.
However, I really do HAVE to be in therapy if I ever want to go back to school. The counseling center has to evaluate my case and make sure I'm stable and following treatment plans before they'll allow me back. I wish taking a break was an option.
So now I'm thinking that what I need to do is turn this around in my head. I need to make it my choice to be there. I have to want to be there, not just to appease people, but because I actually want things to change. The key to all of this is finding something to work on that holds significant meaning to me. I need a strong motive, attainable goal, and real reason to care.
Actually, maybe I have one...
As a side note, I wish I had been able to choose my own therapist... I have a bias for PhD's, and this lady I met today is a social worker. I also tend to prefer men (not sure why)... but that's a different topic. I think part of my trouble with this lady is that I was referred to her by the psychiatrist, but she's not who I would have picked. Now I feel obligated to stay though.