I have called T lots of times before, and go through this same struggle each & every time unless it's a scheduled call or for a very specific reason (just to give or get specific info from her, not emotional).

It's trying to decide when to call her, do I really need to call, can't I just deal with my emotions or thoughts on my own?

And also, figuring out what to say when I call, what to say when she picks up the phone or if I have to leave a voice mail.

Part of the anxiety comes from not liking to talk on the phone in the 1st place, but most of it is just feeling like I need to figure out a good reason that I'm calling her now and not 5 mins ago or 5 mins from now, and what to say.

POSSIBLY TRIGGERING:

That said, I'm in a kind of bad place right now, really triggered today & after a couple incidents of SI on Sunday that is on my mind more than ever today. I feel like I've tried all the DBT skills I can & still can't shake the feeling.

I don't know, I'm just all messed up in my head & want to reach out to T but then so many times I have ended up feeling worse after calling her. Don't know why I keep trying, really, except I want to trust her & I want her to help me & ****, I want her to know that I'm hurting.