Quote:
Originally Posted by jen29
Zooropa,
I feel as if I am in the same spot. I really NEED to talk to someone and my T is the only one who really understand me. But I know the struggle of making that decision. I say call her, especially if you have a thoughts of SI or other harming thoughts.
I really hope that you can talk to someone...If you need to PM me anytime and I will be there for you when I am on-line.
Take care,
Hugs,
jen
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thank you! I did some journaling & figured out part of the reason I want to call her is that she's the only person in my life that I can talk about SI with without worrying about her judging me or freaking her out like it would if I just called a friend.
Also, it's part of the whole DBT thing, to call your T before you SI, so it's kind of ingrained in me after a year of DBT, but that doesn't make it any easier to push "talk" on the phone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by notme9
Are you concerned about what your T's policy is on calls? Is she open to them, or are they only for emergencies?
The other thought I had refers to you saying you often feel worse after calling her. I think you're on the right track in trying to analyze what it is you want from her during the call. Maybe once you're clear about that, there will be less chance of disappointment leaving you feeling worse? Maybe during session you can talk to her about what it is you want from her during these moments -- it might help you understand yourself better as well as give you the chance to discuss what she can and can't do during a call.
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she's pretty much available 24/7 on the phone, in theory anyway. There are many, many times I have called her & had to leave a message, of course, and a lot of those times she has not returned my call, which has really broken the trust I have in her, even though she always has a good reason the next time we talk.
It just leaves me wondering if she is just not wanting me to call & that's why she doesn't return the calls, if she's trying to negatively reinforce my calling so I'll do it less without her having to TELL me to do it less. Because every time we've talked she's said to please keep callling her, that she'll do better about not losing her phone/forgetting to call/checking her voicemail, etc etc etc.
But you are very right, notme, that I should really look at what I'm expecting or wanting from her that I'm obviously not getting, because so often when I do talk to her on the phone, when we hang up I end up throwing my phone down & breaking down in tears if I'm not already crying.
After a year of seeing T, and calling her fairly frequently in the past 6 mos, I pretty much know what to expect from her on the phone & whatever that is, it's not meeting my needs, but I keep calling anyway.
It's probably some transference ******** from my mother, always wanting her love & approval. gag.
well this has certainly got me thinking, which is a good distraction from the thoughts of SI, so thank you.