((((((Zen888)))))
I understand what you are saying, I used to feel the same way but let me tell you as a much older person than you that you still have a lot of time to get all those things you want. Everyone has a destiny, there is no set agenda, things happen when they are supposed to, one day at a time!
I lost my mother when I was very young but I always felt she was my guardian angel protecting me and cheering me on, I am sure your mom is watching over you and is very proud of what you have become