I am really angry right now. My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. She stopped believing in me, she stopped caring about me, I couldn't find a job so she left me. Our relationship wasn't picture perfect but it was pretty damn close. Everything stopped, I'm lost. She refuses to work on our relationship, she accuses me of only dealing in absolutes because I told her we're throwing away all we had. She says "I look at it more as placing it down for a bit". ********. If I lose her now I lose her for good, that's just how it's going to be. She asks for space, but only when I say something that I'm right about, that I know she feels is an honest concern of mine about us ending it this quickly. She ALWAYS runs when I bring up something like that.

I lost the most important thing I had in my life, and now I'm supposed to just completely stop thinking about her like it's a switch I can turn in my head? Now I'm supposed to just not want to call her, not wonder what she's doing, not try repair things between us? This all happened because I couldn't find a job. I could've worked harder maybe, and I know this was a result of my unemployment. But I'm a lover, I'm a senseless lover that just wants to be with his girl and that's all the happiness he needs. And now I'm alone. She was my best friend, she was my lover, and she was supposed to be my future wife. Now I have nothing. I'm 26, going broke, no friends, no girlfriend, no job and having to consider moving back in with my mother.

I was fooled by this game of love and all of the pretty words attached to it. Devotion, yeah that went out the window real quick when I couldn't find a job. Compassion? Yeah, she won't even pick up my calls and she knows I really have nobody else to talk to at the moment. Understanding? I fail to even see where this word comes in. She can't find a job either, so she should be able to understand that me having a rough time finding work is... well... understandable.

I am just so lost right now. I don't have the one thing that made my miserable life worth living anymore. I can't even begin to think about trying to find someone else. I can't even bring myself to go to places we used to go together. I walked by one of our favorite restaurants a few days ago and started to tear up. A bus drove by that had a phantom of the opera advertisement on it and my heart felt like it stopped beating, she loved that play.

I feel cheated. I feel like my relationship ended without any chance of repairing it. I've heard many stories of people fixing their relationship after one person was unfaithful, or lied, or stole. Why is my situation broken to the point of no return over not being able to find a job?

I really wish I had some friends right now. Someone I could just hang out with and forget it all. I wish I was the type of guy that could just shrug his shoulders and move on. I wish I could call her a million hurtful names and make myself feel better but I can't. I love her too much.

Just so disillusioned about love, life, and happiness right now. Can't really think of a good reason to try to fix myself if this is what's going to happen once the first sign of ANYTHING going wrong happens.

Long post, I'm sorry. Just... had to get it out.