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Originally Posted by sw628
(BLUE))))
Thanks for backing me up 100%. I so needed to hear this today as i have felt so alone and guilty. My T just sounds all too much like desk T, and i wonder if i am being manipulated into meeting her needs. I just can't get how hurt she looked as i was walking into session. The cold and sadness on her face. She didn't even get up to greet me. She most surely did not say hello. I felt so unwanted and unwelcome. I like mixed-up emotions suggestion to journal about what happened and bring that with me to next session. I felt as if she wanted me to leave just as soon as i had arrived. Her eyes were red and she teared up many times. I'm afraid to ever be angry at her again. She does work with trauma, however for me, she thought it was best to address that at a later time. Right now we are working on the ED stuff. you know,I may need to be looking at different T's now. i just feel so low and shameful. This is only her second year in her practice and my first time ever in therapy. I was referred to her by my college T. I had only seen college T for 3 months anyway. i don't know what to expect in therapy or what great T's are suppose to look like. Maybe, i should have looked around a bit more.
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You felt unwanted and unwelcome. Maybe you were or were not, but at the very least, you were being punished for triggering her.
Not everybody who becomes a T has worked enough or even at all on their own issues so that they do not become triggered and therefore re-traumatize patients who come in with ALL kinds of things to say. To me, she sounds like someone who cannot, for whatever reason, react to your email in a way that is theraputic for YOU. She cried, felt hurt and who knows what else came up for her. Someone with more experience might better know how to handle themselves when patients trigger their own "stuff." I also would feel manipulated in your situation, and the scary thing here is that this T might not be aware of how manipulating her facial expression and withdrawal from you is. SW- Id run for the hills. Before you get further re-traumatized and have to waste sessions (and money) with your next T talking about this T.
There are plenty of therapists out there who can handle trauma. And the truth is, that therapists who handle EDs are often dealing with people who have suffered csa or trauma in their childhoods, often it goes with the territory. So, this therapist is probably NOT a person someone with an ED should see, anyway.
Do a google search, make calls, check with your insurance if you have that, but make the calls and when you get names see if you can check them out online. Look and see if EDs and trauma is on their list of specialties.