It is your right to set limits, and to do what is necessary for you to be able to live a life worth living, even if that means leaving her and moving on. But please remember that the depression is an illness. Depression isn't your wife, and isn't something that she chooses. It is something that affects her. She can't "just get over it." It isn't that simple. Would you tell her to get over it if she had cancer? Would you leave if she had cancer or epilepsy or diabetes? A lot of spouses do, but is that the choice you would make?

What I wish that my husband would do is to understand that depression hurts, and that I don't do it on purpose, and it messes up my life and I am as sick of it as he is, or more. There is a reason behind it, even when it isn't apparent. And it isn't just one thing - it is much more complicated, but it isn't a choice. He has never responded to my feelings and my pain. He blames me, and insinuates that I get depressed in order to punish him, when I'm trying to hang on and he keeps pushing until I lose my grip and fall into the pit and can't get out. He talks about how bad my symptoms are for him, without acknowledging that depression is miserable for the one who has it. He alternates between claiming that he is free of any mental health problems whatsoever and accusing me of causing him to have PTSD or depression, which he won't get treatment for because there is nothing wrong with him.

I know it's not easy for a spouse of a person with mental illness. And whether you choose to stay and help her through it, or leave, is up to you. Please try to understand that depression is painful, and that we don't choose it. Don't make it about you (any more than it would be about you if she had diabetes or cancer). Ask her what she would like you to do to help, or how she wishes you would respond to the harder stuff. If you can grow with her and help her to get treatment and recover, your relationship has a chance. If you don't support her recovery, both of you are in for some extra misery if you stay together.