It sounds to me like she is trying to "CYA" in case someone tries to pin the miscarriage on her. She is so wrong. I agree with what you did and would do it myself in a second if I knew I was pregnant. You cannot assume that just because something doesn't happen very often, it will not happen to you. Heck, we would have five times the numbers of medications allowed in this country than we have if that logic was held by the FDA. Her job is to make sure that you and that baby had care and support from her and whatever other necessary source. She should have been aware of the possibile reactions that you might have had and made sure that you were being properly treated.
Dear, when I misscarried, the doctors who did the Dand C offered me their condolences before they put me under. I didn'thave my "own" OBgyn but I never felt a lack of support from the personel around me. They didn't assume that because the baby died in the 16th week, that I didn't grieve for him/her. I was never made to feel stupid for crying. That is not the type of attitude that you should have to tolerate, and I hope you don't feel that you do. Find someone else. Be glad this doctor isn't related to you