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eskielover · 06:38 PM

Quote:

your wives need you durring this time .
Nothing hurts worse than a man turning thier back

same goes fro a menatl illness or any illness .

Unfortunately, there is more to being there than just being there for you during times of sickness. My husband stuck with me through my depression & suicide attempts.......sadly, I would have been better off if he had left.....looking back, he was part of why I felt that way in th first place. He was a very NICE person.....but he wasn't a responsible person......I was always having to fight about being responsible throughout our marriage.......when I got sick & turned over the finances to him to handle.....he destroyed us financially.

His comment....I was never good at those kind of things...that is why I married you.......so why was it always a fight in the first place to be financially responsible? I wish he would have left as it would have been better to have no one to feel like I should have been able to depend on to take care of the financial responsibilities. If I had no one & would have known all the facts of my financial situation, I would have forced myself to handle the things that I was depending on him to handle because he knew the information. He was there....he was always there.....but he had no idea how to take care of or protect what he was then responsible for.....it all went back to his way of doing things with the money without any concept of the reality of the situation.

I wish he had walked out.....I would have been much better off. The sad thing is that when he lost his career & became depressed (the one thing he told me I should have done when I lost my career)......when I got the chance to leave....I left....now I am the bad guy for walking out on him when he got sick because he didn't walk out on me. Of course, his comment on how his situation is different than mine........he had all the right buzz words....I shouldn't have had my identity tied to my career........but it was ok for him to when it happened to him.....why? Because I have so many other things I am good at doing & involved in & he had nothing but his career....so he validated his feelings that way.

There are times when we are better off if they do leave....it does depend on the situation......I believe that most of the time it is better for the husband to be responsible & stay......there are also those times when the person is much better off without them.....just my opinion based on my experience with mental illness....not cancer.

By the time he stuck with me through my mother's cancer, I was so sick of being around him.....I still would have been better off without him......even though he took care of things around the house that I wasn't able to while being full time with my Mother & ended up getting sick from the trauma that I went through with her....he was absolutely no help with the trauma either & didn't believe what was happening rather than supporting me & helping me handle it.

That was my determining factor in my leaving was that there was never a time in our marriage that he would ever help me handle anything even though he was there physically, he was never there emotionally......there is a huge difference.....& when the person isn't there emotionally even though they are physically there, it may very well be that we would be better off if they actually left.

Sadly, in his case, he thought by being there physically, he was being there emotionally for me....as he had no idea what it really meant.

Just my personal experience,
Debbie