lily

I think this is very normal. I've always had an active fantasy life, from the time I was a child - T said it was my way of getting my needs met, even back then, creating alter-families to nurture me and take care of me.

As soon as I started seeing T, I would imagine what our next session would be. I love to be in control, I'm a big planner, so I would have all these conversations with T in my head - I still do it, but not as much anymore. I did tell T that I do this, she reassured me that it is very normal.

I have not yet told T of my fantasy of breaking down crying in a session and having T hold me, though I'm sure it wouldn't surprise T one bit - I'm just not ready to tell her that yet, maybe because we just started hugging, and I'm afraid that it might make her more reluctant to hug me, though my head knows that's probably not true. But as T once said, the head has no place in psychtherapy!

I encourage you to discuss these fantasies with your T. And as far as being addicted to emotional drama - I asked my T in our last session if I'm a drama queen, making too much out of all this. T wondered why I was trying to hard to invalidate my feelings. It's painful and scary to feel those deep feelings, so for me, sometimes it's easier to take a step back and convince myself that I'm just making too much out of it all, rather than admitting that yes, it really is a big deal.

Good luck! You're doing great work!!