thank you both so much for replying.
i feel so gross for posting all of this stuff, and then i see that the 'read' count has gone high and it makes me feel sad that i really am that sucky.

cuddles are welcome at any time, so thank you ((((llt)))) .

((((((((((nf)))))))))) - thank you so much for your offer to help. unfortunately, i'm living in sydney (australia!) so things might not work out quite so well . the "austin" bit was a moniker that came around because my T dresses like someone from the austin powers movies.

seeing the mansion lady is probably a good idea, but i worry about whether it would then be rude to say 'no', yknow? beggars can't be choosers etc but i'm worried because T said she took some guy in off the street the other day and was having (severe) problems with him. so it makes me wonder if it is really a stable/safe sort of place to be?

re: the si thing. you're right. i've been wondering if austin-t is the t for me if he won't talk about that kind of thing. in one way i think, he's helped so much and no one is perfect. but on the other hand, i put up with my old-T against my better judgement and i regret staying with him for so long. it's difficult to know what the right thing to do is.