Vicki,

I would guess that if feels a lot like the other things that "they" are not letting you do. And I understand what it's like to look for something else when your usual things become unavailable or discouraged or even when you have decided to try to stop.

But what I have found is that I might try to trade one bad habit for another, but the old one comes back eventually, and now I just have one more bad habit than I used to have. Believe me, you don't need another one. It won't help you. It might make you forget or not feel the discomfort for a little while, but it won't last, and it will be big steps backwards on the path to healing and feeling better.

Instead of thinking about other ways to escape from dealing with yourself and what is really bothering you, how about taking an honest look at what that is that makes you want to hurt yourself (in whichever way - that doesn't matter), and what you could do to make that a little bit better or not as troublesome? Do you have a therapist? It really helps if you have someone who knows how to help you work through that stuff and stop trying to run away from it and avoid it.

((((((((hugs if you want them)))))))))))