((((((starinna)))))) By all means, get ahold of a T! There is a huge difference between writing and talking to someone. It sounds like you really need to talk to sme one face to face rather than just through writing. Can you ask your T if she knows how you can find a good T where you are now? If you don't feel safe right now, see if you can have someone stay with you, or go to the emergency room. Better that then be alone when you feel so badly. Hugs, dear. I really hope you find the hope you need. remember, we are here.