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Old Nov 14, 2009, 10:03 AM
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opheliasorrow opheliasorrow is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
Does this happen? If so, what happens after?
If you noticed someone not speaking to you or acknowledging you... could you speak directly to them "It seems as if you are avoiding me and I'm wondering if you are angry with me?"

You see, I suspect that others do like you and that for one, the worry creates a willingness in you to imagine someone is angry with you or not liking you when that may not be happening at all.. and two, realizing that if someone avoids us or is angry with us--that is about them, that is about their feelings/perceptions/response to experience and by directly bringing this from inaction (avoidance) to action (words) you open up the opportunity to change; the opportunity to clarify, clear up misconceptions, for each party to have say what they are experiencing (as all experiences are individual).

Does this make sense?

I am often very amazed that what I thought was going on, was not going on at all..except in my own mind.
Learning to 'test' my perceptions with reality has given me another way of responding to what I perceive to be happening. It was not easy at first but my therapist, in the course of talking about 'anything and everything' has helped me and helps me see when I am responding without testing. She also helped me another way, by accepting my declarations of another person being mad at me (without my checking it out) and following that thought to 'what then': Okay, so this person is mad at me.. what does that mean to me, what are my worries about that, what do I think will happen next or as a result of that, and is my worry about the other being angry with me a kind of self-protection....

So much to explore
((((((Echoes))))) Thank you for this, everything you said here makes perfect sense It's happened to me such a lot, this assuming people are mad at me, or don't like me because I have done this or that ... then only to find it was all in my head ... why do I never learn though? I'm getting better, with therapy - but still my silly head believes that x,y z doesn't like me and that hurts. I know it's my insecurities that make me want to be liked by everyone and I know that to be liked by everyone is completely impossible .

Sometimes I can go to that person and talk to them, ask them if I have upset them, and 9 times out of 10 they have had issues themselves, I think on my part it can be all about ME too much and I don't mean to do that either ... sigh. One day I will be at total peace with myself and learn that the world doesn't revolve around my issues Thank you so much for talking to me, I respect your wisdom, you always make so much sense Echoes
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Thanks for this!
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