oh goodness lynx... so sorry for your losses. Holiday times are always difficult when we cant be with or near the ones we love to spend time with. I don't have any great wisdom here, but it's one foot in front of the other. One day or one hour at a time. If you don't have other fomaily you spend time with on the holidays maybe you could volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. Trying to find something that makes you either want to get out of bed or feel ike you should get out of bed to do. Do you have a T? This is definitely something a T can help you work through. Otherwise keep posting here. Maybe check out the forum about grief as well. Take good care!