Rohag; I'm sorry that you can relate to this... I wish we weren;t stuck in such a mindset as everything's our fault even if we weren't there when whatever is supposedly our fault happened! I hope you can manage to work through this. It's not a nice place to be.

ADHD, thank you for the hug. It means a lot just knowing that people care enough to read, let alone enough to reply.

Gingerkat, don't be sorry! You can't be here all the time! You have your own struggles too, we all do. I guess tonight it just overwhelmed me after just holding it in for months on end and not saying anything.

Lynn, also thank you for being here and replying. I'm trying to be strong but I just don't know how much longer I can hold out for. Thank you for your support in this.

I still don't feel much better, Connor's just asked me what's on my mind and I've come back straight away with "nothing, why?" and he's just left it at that like I knew he would. I don't want to be bugged about it right now, I can't even find words to explain how I feel. I'm just fed up. I wonder if this was how my Dad felt when he committed suicide