All I can really say is I'm sorry for your pain. It CAN get better for you with time if you allow it to get better. You gotta let all the negative go. You're giving this person way too much of your energy and she's winning because she has so much of your life. The best way you can escape this is to do whatever it takes (in a positive way) to get her out of your mind and heart and make yourself get out in the public and live again. I wish you all the best in the world and hope you can learn to live life again on lifes own terms.