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wisewoman said: It is something in my body, the anxiety is not really in my mind. My body reacts.

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I agree with that; anxiety feels physical, it is expressed physically.

A thing about the alcohol. In a depressive phase, alcohol kills me. A couple of drinks knocks me out for days.
In a better phase, I could take a drink with the next person, and feel OK the next day. The real issue for me wasn't alcohol, it was the illness.

Cheers, M