I hope it's ok to post in this forum - I'm pretty new and it's all a bit overwhelming, this seems the best section to start with - you all seem friendly.

I feel a bit lost generally. New to the US and all that entails. I have been seeing a therapist for the last couple of months - I like her, I think she is good at her job - but then I know I am always pathetically grateful for any sort of support, and I found it an almost impossibly hard task to find a therapist in the first place - the thought of having to do it again would be just awful. So I will stick with her for the foreseeable future.

The reason for seeing her initially was to have some kind of support in place, as I had left the UK with a fair amount of input from MH services (cpn, pdoc, psychologist, occupational therapist) and it was scary going from all that to nothing.

I suppose now that the dust is beginning to settle from our move, it is maybe time to start thinking what I would like to achieve from therapy. I have also changed meds recently which is always a hard thing to do, and my therapist did suggest that there was still just too much going on to think about tackling other issues.

One of the big things is how overweight and unfit I have become. A lot of it is due to the depression and meds. It seems such a huge task to start tackling that. I still have a great deal of ambivalence about it - when I was much more depressed I saw any opportunity to harm myself in even roundabout ways as a good thing - so I might not be able to commit suicide (I have children and I do recognise that is the worst thing in the world I could do to them, and they don't deserve that) but hey, if I dropped dead of a heart attack... It's still hard to move beyond that ambivalence and fully embrace getting better - perhaps it's self-preservation, that I have tried and failed to get better for so long, that I always expect to head back down to the pits of despair.

Hm, just trying to pinpoint how I am feeling - sorry for the waffle.

Hope everyone here is having a pleasant Saturday evening