tango first let me say Welcome to the forums here at PC....you will find support and encouragement here and no judging....I SI too and I have stopped for a short time and slipped and got going again....UGH....I hate that I did but that is just where I am right now... Do you have a Therapist you can talk to about this? if not keep posting and venting here we will listen...maybe someone else can shed more light on this for ya...
take care