How?

Relaps of self...Finding oneself back into an emotional slump....blah!
It's so repetitious. I'm good for a long while, believing I am what I AM, (which is a good thing....lol), until some meaningless so-n-so blurts out something which attacks my spirit. It's not so much "who" is saying it, but "what" is said. And despite the fact that I realize it really holds no truth, it seems to immediately allow all the pain from the past to flood back into present. UGH!

Kristian and I have been discussing...me, and why I seem to seek acceptance from the wrong people. And he's right. Without realizing it, I seek approval from those who will only find disapproval in me....in what they feel is "wrong" in me, therefore, I end up feeling worse, (thus find justification in what my mom has been saying to me for so long?).

Do you think that maybe it's a subconsciuous means of self-sabotage on my part to justify what my parents, (especially, mom), have been telling me since God only knows when?
Also, he's right, how...since I already have his approval, I've stopped seeking his, and continue to look elsewhere. I do this without even realizing it. Why do I do that without realizing it?

Why should I have to have Kristian remind me that I already have his approval for who I AM? Why can't I be satisfied with the fact that I do have the approval of the only person who truly matters to me?
I'm fully aware that I HAVE his undisputed acceptance...yet....

So, how do I break that cycle when I'm not even aware I do it?

Peep's 'pinions welcomed....lol.
Thankies......

Shangrala