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Originally Posted by deliquesce
i keep thinking, maybe i made all of this up and nothing happened and im about to make a big mistake and tell people and things will spiral out of control.
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Deli, you didn't make anything up. Austin T knows you and he wouldn't have recommended you talk to someone for help unless he believed you and thought you needed this. You have outside validators--T and pdoc--who know you are telling the truth.
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i dont want to hurt anyone in my family.
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I understand that very much, so perhaps you can start the conversation off with what would be the consequences of your discussion. Learn if any interventions will be taken against your family if you say such and such. Maybe you can strike a balance between getting help from the src and revealing something that would have negative consequences and ramifications. Do you know what I mean? Also, do you know if you will have confidentiality with the src? (I am not sure what the src is--a social worker?)
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i want to call up austin-t or pdoc and ask them what to do but it doesnt make a difference if they believe me if i dont believe myself.
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Be a scientist and use the fact that they believe you as evidence that what happened really did. Can you do that? It DOES make a difference if they believe you even if your own certainty is faltering right now.
Deli, thanks for explaining about the culture of your family. I apologize for trying to apply the cultural norms of my culture to your situation. I can see they don't necessarily fit.
Would it bother you to have no ties at all with your family due to a rupture caused by your moving out? (Maybe you would be glad to be done with them? Maybe not.)
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i'm not sure if they'll let me sit a supplementary. i need to check. but if they don't, then... the motivation to move out goes back to zero.
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Deli, I'm not sure I understand that. Wouldn't you be motivated to move out no matter what? Why would that depend on if you sit for the 2 exams or not?
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i dont have it in me to do another year at this same stupid undergrad level, i need (for my sanity) to progress into an honours year
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Deli, if you don't take the supplementary exams, couldn't you just repeat the 2 courses instead of going an entire year? Just repeat one quarter or semester? (I may not be understanding your educational system correctly....) Also, what is an honours year? Is it like a Master's degree? Do you get a degree from doing this year that will qualify you for a profession or help you get your Ph.D. or another benefit?
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i dont know how i'll cope with a part time job, part time honours, living by myself
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Deli, that does sound like a lot (although the living alone may be easier to cope with than living with family). I'm wondering if you could finish your undergraduate degree, hopefully by sitting the supplementary, and then put graduate work (I'm assuming that's what the honours year is) on hold for now, and focus on getting a job and being independent. That would give you fewer things to focus on all at once--less overwhelming. Will your undergraduate degree give you good prospects for finding a job? Maybe you could live on your own, work for 1-2 years, and then return to grad school for your master's or doctorate--whatever your goal is. Just putting some alternative ideas out there... Sorry if they totally don't apply (I do not know your educational system).
I'm thinking of you, Deli, and hoping you will find solutions. I know you are trying, and you have T trying to help you too. (When I read things like your story, I really wish I could help, and I think, Deli should just come and live in my house. I have a house way too big for me and my daughter, now that my XH and other daughter have moved out. I have space for the taking! The entire daylight basement, with a bedroom and its own kitchen, is unoccupied. However, I am very messy.... Anyway, there's my little "helping fantasy" for the day.
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