I'm not exactly sure why this has happened. I have a couple theories... but nothing that seems...well right.

I began to notice my extreme discomfort with nudity almost two years ago. I was watching a porn with my new boyfriend at the time. I didn't think anything of it. I've been known to like sex, sexual things, perverse jokes,innuendos.. nothing bothered me. Especially porn.

But halfway through I began sweating, getting very hot, uncomfortable, shy, guilty, extremely self- conscious and jealous. I have always had a bit of self esteem problem... but not to the point where I was jealous, nevertheless, acting on that jealousy, towards porn stars. Of course they had nice bodies, they were in porn. But not that day I felt sick and so very depressed about myself.

At the time I ignored the weird reaction. But today... I can't even fathom "ignoring it" It consumes me. And it's not just porn these days either.

It's really anything from sexy, scandalous clad women, or nudity in a sex scene or even in an educational context... I can't watch rated R movies for fear of a sex scene popping up. I can't handle it. The same reaction happens but this time it's multiplied to a power of ten. I have to leave the room...and usually end up in tears. I just don't get it. Why would anyone want to see that?! especially when in a committed relationship. It just doesn't connect. And I'm a fairly open minded person... but not when it comes to this.

There really is so many layers of this.

If anyone would like to talk to me about this I would greatly appreciate the time and interest.

Thanks.