Quote:
Originally Posted by Shangrala
Thanks, Michele....
But you know...I've disassociated myself from my family forever now. Like you, I have nothing to do with them, (and mine family is HUGE...lol). The only sibling I have anything to do with anymore is my younger sis, of 3 years, Donna. But even she is so stuck in the effects from our upbringing, mostly cuz of mom, that she can't see ANY good in living.
I don't seek approval from her, exactly. I just maintain a sissy bonding with her, cuz we've always been close.
Although, I've always been the centerpoint of my entire family, mostly with all siblings....was the one who they all went to to find out what's what with the other, instead of them going to the other themselves.
I was always the "friendly" one amongst us all. I was always the one keeping peace...."finding a reason TO keep the peace". That's me....Merciful Mary....holds true to this day.
But is this really all about the past and family? This is where I sorta reach that same barrier. I've physically removed the source of origin of (what I think may be) the problem, yet the psychological effects remain?
Yes. I do need to get over the effects of mom.
Kristian's right. Focus on what IS, and not what was. Now, to do just that. Not easy.
Thanks again, Michele....Yourra sweetie. 
Shangrala
(I so love "Happy Face"....lol) |
My councilor taught me that in any situation there is the attacker, the victim and the.."savior" - the one who helps. Now suppose you are victim and they are the attacker. The attacker is usually in denial of his pain. He is attacking the person to be superior and the victim feels weak. worthless.
I viewed this triangle and it made me aware of the fact that THEIR **** is THEIR ****
NOT MINE.
You know - every person is acting for where
there are. Some are more mature some less mature. The **** they talk to you is coming from THEIR insecurities about themselves. From their pain in the past. They cannot deal with it so they throw it at you. They blame you shame you humiliate you.
You - objectively - have very little to do with their reaction. Every one sees the other as a twisted mirror of themselves...especially if they are not aware. because they were parents you took it all in...you needed to conform....If you start realizing it is not YOURS..i know it doesn`t work that way that you understand something and - end of story.
I find it very helpful - the inside job occurs when it happens. When someone says something that triggers what you feel...THEN exactly...when you start feeling it....read our posts here...or something your T gave you ( if you have ) or..anything like that. I know how it feels when you say "oh, here i go again...and i thought i was over it" But it was so drilled into us...all those awful beliefs about ourselves that have nothing to do with ourselves.
It was taught so well and repeated SO MANY TIMERS...and now it will take time and repetitive reading..or.."self brainwashing"..its realizing it EVERY TIME FOR NEW...and every time you fully realize it and feel a little bit better - its part of the way. Its another small step out of it.
Of course, every time, it also takes the "let it out" thing allowing yourself to feel it..and not deny it..etc..
But we have the between being the victim of our past or growing out of it.
Well i just threw it all there....what i remember from my experience.
I understand what you are talking about and it happens to me as well. I understand in my head but when someone says something i can get hurt. I don`t know if it can all be healed - maybe only to a certain extent? I guess we can change...and overcome most of the pain...the major past at least.