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SUNNY2009 · Nov 15, 2009, 05:38 PM

Oh thank you linda ... and everybody .....I appreciate your responses ...
I am thankful to have people who care ... here ... on PC .... It is good

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with work and support from good people, that emotional child can mature and catch up to the chronologically adult you.

This is a good way to put it, catching up with the rest of me. I just wish I knew exactly how to do that....I do have a good T and have made friends here on PC which is good.

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The most important thing I had to learn was how to make the emotional child feel "safe" during the process -

I feel like the big me is who is scared..... I dont know her so much (yet) my little person ... I look at pics and am only just remembering me/her ... I saw pics I never seen before and I am suprised.... actually I am trying to relate her to who I thought I was when I was little ..... the pics with smiles .... they are shocking, because I dont remember so much happiness ... so much innocense and whenI see the difference from one age to another I feel like that is it.... that is the age...that is the difference from and innocent mind to the mind that has been introduced to deceit ......

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had to learn how to provide that child with the protection she never received from those who were supposed to protect her,

I still have a tough time wrapping my head around this. The question was asked, "where was your mom? why didnt she notice? why didnt she see the signs?"
I need to know, what are the signs that I would have had,, I want to remember what I felt like as a child when the sa was taking on a life...I want to know who I was in my head and how I coped....up until now it is not clear..... some of it I see - like a bubble (a world in my head where I hid) but I want to see the outer person little me was.....

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but used their power to abuse her instead.

This too is difficult....I am starting to understand how much responsibility is on them both ....they both abused their power and it upsets me...... I think because it is a choice on what we do as adults and so if they did not control themselves, and they hurt.... then they must have made a choice ....yes? no?
but then I have to understand how a person can make such a choice??

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You have to help that emotional child understand that she now has the power to protect herself and doesn't have to be afraid anymore

I feel so far away from this because I still got to know her ....how she/i was when I was that age and remember more .... I want to remember more!!!!!!