Well guys, I'm back and feeling better now. I sometimes slip back into that same old thought pattens, however I can somehow find a way to lift my spirits, so that's how I know that I'm better. My wife ended up reading this site and everything that was posted - at first she was a little put off, but when I got home she was more understanding and actually read up on bp and how it affects me. She apologized for not being there and things have been much better now. Neither of us are smoking marjuana anymore, and now all I need to work on is getting a full time job. My son isn't in daycare anymore - so his behaviours are back
to 'normal'.

Junerain: thanks for the tip, i will go see the site and find out what it offers me. Perhaps you are right that I have *some* social skills, but the disinhibition of the internet allows me to freely communicate, because I can simply log off and cannot be embarrassed or hurt or what not. I'm very shy in person although I'd rather not be.

I'm still stressed out about finding work, but overall I'm doing good. Thanks everyone for the support, it brightened up my day to see all these replies and the content in them.

P.S. No more 'suicidal thoughts'