|
Nov 16, 2009, 12:17 AM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Sep 2006
Location: kuala lumpur, malaysia
Posts: 291
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets
So many times I find myself lost in a moment that no one else can touch. A moment that time has erased yet somewhere within that moment----that time goes on. For it is not only I that holds within the marks and bruises that not even time can erase but many others feeling this night and all it holds.. For not even I know everything that lies within amongst the selves. The pain and horror etched so deep within where once a child could not touch or be of herself. Only time wraps itself amongst each and at times reflects back through the eyes of myself. Sometimes the reflections are vivid leaving no doubt to what one holds, sometimes the reflections are so pale not even an eye blinks yet it is there if one could just see it.
Silence becomes a word or words that come together to scream out what cannot be written among these lines. The tears wiped up before they even start could fall like rains of a hurricane if allowed. They say damaging winds could destroy a house, what can the winds blowing a life into a tale-spin do? Feeling caught up in a twister both inside and out. How does one explain what is going on? Where does one find the words to make sense? How does one know anyone cares enough to hear?
The thirteenth, Friday----a night that flashes before our eyes and our memories filling our hearts with a sorrow we cannot tell. There is no one within calm, and me without on edge fighting so hard to be okay. So where am I within all these words? Do I exist or am I an echo of someone deep within? Tears burning my eyes yet they will not fall, words jumbling within to where I cannot make sense of anything. Memories so near yet me running trying to find safety from it all. Please let me go----Please don’t hold me prisoner to these fears that come so alive when no one sees or hears. Within crying out the very words that so much need to be released. Without trying to be strong and together so no one knows of this raging storm within. A little girl never given the right to live----an adult now afraid to reach out and let anyone in.
All day I sat with memories flooding. All these visions filling my head but never being able to say a word not even a whisper to be heard. Help echoing within the corridors of our mind yet silence echoing without. Wishing somehow someone could hear me, just somehow. Afraid to say anything for fear no one wants to hear it or can. Feeling as though we are too much and that I cannot open up. Where is safety? How does one know it is okay to say anything or if one does not want to be heard. Feeling so out of place one does not belong. Home is not home. We feel we belong nowhere. Our hearts asking so many questions yet there are no answers. Trying to make everyone proud of us that we can handle this ourselves but screaming within what no one can hear. We are alone in this night. We are trying to fade into the background. We are not pushing anyone away but know that no one can stop this for us.
I know to you and others that night is nothing but a night. This day is nothing but a day. But for us it holds so much more. More than you even know. I know we have not said anything for we are trying to be good. To keep within for it is not anyone’s place to hear. Knowing full well that no one is able to give us answers just as we cannot give answers to ourselves.. We are trying really we are.
Today, another day, yet the memories swirl around in a haze and we are afraid to be heard or really seen. Hiding away any sense of the tears we are crying and any need for anyone. Yet these words scream out something else that not even our eyes can hide. Just another day, another time, yet everything comes rushing back in full force. And there are those within that are flashing thoughts that we cannot even tell anyone. Just be good. Just be…………………
A call, a voice, we know. No questions, no answers, just we know.
dps
|
(((((Dps))))) sorry for the pain  . Thanks for sharing also at least knowing that Im not goin thru this thing alone....
with love
carol 
|