jai-jai. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this, but know you are not alone. I could have written that many many times. It's very frustrating and surreal in a sense. And crying? There are long long stretches of time when I was unable to do that. And the total numbness? Oh yes. It does sound like depression of some flavor. Please do look into getting help, because it is so very hard day in day out. And there is help for it, even when it feels like there isn't.
Lots of and thinking of you. Keep us posted, ok?