I wasn't saying that there is any specific age. But take my dad for example: he is 58 and even though he has probably a dozen drinking-related illnesses he refuses to quit drinking and says its because he is too old now so he might as well not quit. My T told me, when I was with my ex who was only 22 at the time, that HE was even over the age of "changing". He told me that once a person comes to a set of ideals and lives with those for long enough, they just aren't as open minded to changing them and, in turn, changing themselves. Personally, I know Ill still be changing at 31 but that's not to say its the same for someone else. Some people just get really comfortable with their status or position and its pretty scary to totally change yourself because that means admitting there is something you NEED to change about yourself. For him to ever accept that he needs to think that there is something wrong with his behavior and clearly he doesn't.

Whether its out of a lack of respect for you or himself, he clearly doesn't view this as something needing his attention - that's why I brought up narcissism. The only way I can get my boyfriend to listen is when I say "take this for example...if you were to do this and I reacted this way...how would that make you feel?" and then he sits down and thinks and realizes "okay, I wouldn't want her to act that way so I don't want to act that way."

So maybe go to him and say (or in a letter) that if he were to have a flare up of Crohn's and you said "you should be used to this by now, suck it up" how would that make him feel? How would it make him feel if you said these things to him? And maybe actually say them once in a while. My boyfriend learned a lot from me doing that. If he would fly off the handle I would just act cold and insensitive and he would say "why are you doing this?" and my response was "so you can say those exact words to me when I'm upset but it's not okay for me to act the same way" Then it kind of sank in how he was behaving. I hate playing mind games with people but for some people thats the only thing that gets through to him. Sounds like you are going to have to try a few things before you find the thing that fits for your relationship.