Hi folks,

I was worried about asking this question, because we each have such different experiences, and different levels of trust in our doctors. I didn't want to push anyone's buttons.

Frankly, I would be terrified to see my records.

September, that line "I would rather die than to become self sufficient" - that must have been hard for you. We have enough to deal with in our illnesses without that.

Butterfly, your point about choosing doctors you respected is a good one. Of course doctors opinions help us, and your point shows up my 'doctor phobia' rather clearly. I have no problem at all with something written about some bronchitis or a broken bone, but somehow I feel really vulnerable with someone writing about my anxiety/depression. It's so close to a 'personality' judgement. Maybe it's pride.

Cripes, I'm opening up a bit here.

One thing. I too have been receiving disability due to my illness. But, I didn't have to fight for it at all. The doctor took one look at me, one look at my notes and said, "We'll have to get things sorted out for you." Later I went to a tribunal thing with a couple of doctors and they were so kind to me, they just said " Try not to worry, maybe do some yoga, but don't push yourself." That was a few years ago.

I guess I'm afraid to find out just how ill I was back then. That's what I'm really afraid of. Yes, I talk about being a survivor and all that, but just like other people here, I'm afraid that it might come back again.

Cheers, M