The Intrusive Symptoms include:
- Distressing thoughts or images
I've always had the exact images of what happened to in 2007 so to me it just comfirmed my worst fears.
- Nightmares about the event
Dont really have nightmares but I dont sleep properly ever since 2007 I spent 6month sleeping in the lounge room which was near my front door where the event happen in never acured to me that I might have done that becuase I was gaurding the house to protect my kids till my T asked me why....I still dont sleep well I wake up at least 20 times a night, at least 5 of those time I'm awake for min of 30 mins maximum who knows hours...there have been nights I felt like I was a sleep enough to not have the abilty to interact with the invironment but awake enough to be hearing everything that was going on at first I thought I was dreaming but then there was times it was like I was dreaming then woke up but i woke up again so I thought but I was still dreaming or dazed or something cause when I finally woke up I just felt confused I started asking my partner what he just been talking about and I realised that it was not a dream I was really hearing everything word for word...i still cant explain the feeling fully or what caused it but I wonder if it my brain not coming out of being hyper aware of my surounding.
- Feeling or acting as if the traumatic event were recurring
I have not been able to bring my self to even attempt to put my self in is a simular situation that might cause this to happen. I feel bad enough just at the idea of putting my self in party invironment let alone at my own house again. The fue time I've had family over for a meal I have used more sedatives before and after and during for up to a week than I use in an adverage week.
- intense psychological distress when exposed to something that triggers memories of the traumatic event.
This has been the biggest change for since 2007 any thing slightly realated to knid of things that happened to me just make me snippy and stressed and short tempered and more. When I think about the event it's not even the brocken window or the smashed door or the image of being punched that causes me the most distress no its the sound of kids crying (I'm crying now) the fear in there voice the tears rolling down there faces seeing the effect on there behaviour for month after the event. The look on my kids faces when I walked threw the Mc Donalds play ground door and thay saw my face I just had a split lip and a bruising...how would thay have reacted if my own kids were at home that night I thank goodness my mum had them for the week end but the look on my friends kids faces was bad enough. We told the kids what to expect before we took the home but cryed and looked so scared just looking at the brocken glass on the loungeroom floor..I cant bare to imaging the look on ther faces if they saw it. I was not even in the room when I first heard the window smash..I went in to protect the kids mode at first I just thought some one had fallen threw something made of glass, I really dont remember much after the first window was smashed except that I told all the parants to take the kids to very back room and hide and I standing near the front the door telling the very angry guy to go away cause the police where on there way. I have several images of what happened after that but thats all I remember being hit but not the pain of being hit. I remember making sure everyone stayed in safe place I remember checking on everyone and every child I remember doing everything I was the one that called the police I was the one that seemed to be incontrol of the situation. I dont know how much timed past before I really took any steps to help my self at the time it was all about everyone els. I was still helping people trying to comfort people I did not cry I did not act scared I seem to everyone around me that I was fine with everything that happened everyone els was crying thay were unconcerned about any one els that was there. After the police left and the people had left it did not take long for me to 100% compleatly fall apart in my partner arms....
- Physical symptoms such as sweating, muscle tension and rapid heartbeat when exposed to things that trigger memories of the traumatic event.
The Avoidance Symptoms include:
- Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the trauma, as well as any feelings associated with the trauma.
PTSD sufferers may resort to alcohol or illicit drugs to block out unwanted memories & feelings. According to the Australian Centre for Post Traumatic Mental Health (1999), approximately 50% of men and 25% of women with chronic PTSD have drug and alcohol issues
- Avoiding people, places and activities that trigger memories of the traumatic event.
big time but I did not make the conection till my T pointed it out while I dont avoid doors or windows any more than i use to it seem that PTSD is trigger by parties, the idea of looking after other peoples children specially at my house and big time during a party. I just cry everytime I think about taking a risk of having another child go threw anything bad in my presence let alone on my property and no way can i think about having aparty with kids at my house. Whats even worse is I feel like PTSD is trying to convince me that I wont make good childcare worker. I cant loose the dream of working with kids cause its the only job I feel I'll ever beable to cope with.
- not remembering an important part of the traumatic event
Dont remember much just snapshots
- Losing interest in, and enjoyment of e.g. leisure activities, study, work or stop participating in such activities altogether.
BIG TIME
- Feeling detached from other people
A little
- Being unable to feel joy or have loving feelings
Big time
- Not be able to see a future for themselves, they don't expect to get married, have a family , live a long time
BIG TIME my hopes and dreams seem vague and unatainable, I'm nore negative about my parenting abilty, I question everything I do I parent.
The Physical Arousal Symptoms include:
What sleep I have forgotten what it feels like to sleep threw the night. I sleep but I dont think I get to proper sleep mode.
Short tempered big time
What is this I feel like I have had a stroke I can find simple words i cant remember why I went in to a room I cant remember oppointments or what I want to say ect ect .. my head just go's quiet and I zone out and my kids are talking to me and I zone out time and time again during the same converation I ask them to repeat what they said and I zone out again.
- being always on the alert for signs of danger
The PTSD sufferer may be constantly scanning their surroundings for possible threats, e.g. someone who has been in a major car accident may become a back seat driver. Someone who has been physically assaulted may always sit with their back to a wall so noone can sneak up behind them
did that lots at my 10y party
- being easily startled
THE PTSD sufferer may overreact to something such as a noise. E.g. a war veteran may be shaken if they hear a car backfire because of their past experience of being threatened by gun fire)
big time if theres even a minor verbal disbute I have to get as far as way from it as posiable and even when my kids argue I cant handle it the way i use to my partner has told me I have over reacted so many times.