Well, I said I came back here with different issues and boy those issues flared this morning. Before my husband found out he had cancer I was going to leave, said I'd take the blame, his family well, his mother think I'm always wrong anyway.

Now we said we were going to try again and I know he has had a terrible few weeks, my issues didn't go away during those weeks, if they did they would be gone forever right? If we could pick and chose -

I am totally overwhelmed with all the responsibility right now, but no matter how I TRY and tell him this, bearing in mind Ive had NO therapy for two weeks HE HAS HAD CANCER and it stops there.

When I told him I couldn't live this way any longer before the cancer he wasn't going to fight to keep our relationship, basically he culdn't have cared less.

So now I'm saying we're supposed to be changing, growing together again da de da and still no I love you;s cuddles, hugs at night ... He is confident in body and mind, I have major issues though I'm working on them. I can't live this way - totallyu overwhelmed, sad, angry and so glad I have therapy later. I'm a mess today. If I leave I'm wrong ... if I stay I'm being a martyr in his words .... I just about give up ..... call me selfish, but all I'm asking for is love and affection, is that so damned hard? Why is it that whatever I do I'm so wrong?

Please don't anyone say 'well he's probably still feeling rough' - yes I know that, but so am I, depression, PTSD, BORDERLINE, ANXIETY is invisible to the ignorant ..... I'm sorry, I've just had it today. Ophelia

Also if I leave he can't drive yet, we are only just getting the money sorted for help with rent/bills etc ..... I feel totally trapped, up the creek without a paddle ... etc.